The Memory Lost In Space is one of Tong Hua’s most ambitious offerings yet and almost certainly her longest. It is a tetralogy set in a future where genetic modification is readily available and it explores the explosive conflict between the mutants and humans.
I – Searching for a steadfast love in a world where your genes decide your fate.
Nothing can escape the clutches of time. Death and deterioration is but an eventuality. Only memory is not bound by the shackles of time. In fact some memories become clearer steeped in time. The beautiful, the ugly, all the has-beens. Each event seemingly small and insignificant but their flashes of brilliance can even outdazzle the night’s sky.
II – If we cannot grow old together, then let death consume us both
An existence that should be denied, he thought he would be alone forever for a soul born in darkness was destined to be swallowed up by darkness. Happiness can only be a mirage. Yet he cannot control his feelings that are overflowing because he has found someone willing to stand with him against all odds.
III – Because their paths had crossed, because she had loved him so passionately, he may have his regrets but he’d die contented.
One existence was built on another person’s genetic makeup. The other lived a fabricated lie. Just like a whisper in the wind, they had no past and no future. They only have the present. They only have each other.
IV – It is the dawning of a new hope, yet also the descent of despair. We are hurtling towards our end, be it heaven or hades that await us.
Will your pursuit only end with the withering of the final rose? Will you discover that you’ve missed all of its radiant beauty only when it is gone? Will you only stop grumbling about the cold when the last snowflake has fallen? Will you regret failing to appreciate the here and now?
[Ebook][Eng Translation (Chapters 1-5)(Chapters 6-on)]
【Lian Sheng was forced to marry General Yi Qiancheng, who was said to be ruthless…
Yu Xia received a message from her boyfriend saying he was downstairs. Wearing her pajamas…
In the enchanting Lingtong Mountain Villa, the eldest daughter, Huo Linglong, fled from an unwanted…
Duan Xiu Zi met Li Ming Yu for the first time at a wedding. She…
At the age of sixteen, Gao Yuexing married the most sought-after Prince Xiang in the…
Seven years ago, Detective Li Jincheng mysteriously disappeared in an urban village late one night.…
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It is no secret around these parts that I really like Tong Hua’s works. To be precise, I like her novels that are set in ancient/mythical worlds. Her modern stories have been underwhelming and her last novel [The Starry Night, The Starry Sea] was personally a disappointment although I know it has been adapted into a successful drama.
Thus, I had my reservations with this book and my biasness had me putting this off for more than a year. In hindsight, that was a blessing in disguise because reading part I coincided with a recent trip to China where I acquired part II and III and could marathon the story. This story is so good – a wonderful, addictive read. The plot twist threw me off completely and the storyline is not at all predictable. Having said that though, I must possible be the worst fan ever because I made the silly assumption that Tong Hua’s epic novels are always divided into 3 volumes. It is not so with this one – it’s a tetralogy and I am still finding ways to procure the final book in the series. To compound my frustration further, I can’t seem to find the e-book of part IV and it’s making me miserable. Will update again once I’ve read it, fingers crossed it’ll be soon!
I’ve translated an excerpt from part I – it is by no means the most important scene or one that has any crucial bearings on the plot. [Am saying this having read 75%] It just left a deep impression and I thought it was reflective of the overall tone of the book. May contain spoilers!
[spoiler]Book I Chapter 18
Just when Luo Lan thought she wouldn’t reply, Feng Lin piped up “You may not believe this but when I was a child, Zong Li, Zi Yan, Zuo Qiu Bai, Bai Li Cang and I were a clique. Chu Mo and Chen Sha, they were not like us orphans! Because they had parents, they had everything they wanted. They could afford to be mischievous and lazy but we could not. The old dukes would only raise the brightest and best; we had to be faultless to stay with them.
The human fertility rate was dismal and it was even harder for mutants to procreate – not every mutant could have healthy offspring so the childless dukes would often choose to adopt many children and by the process of elimination, choose the best to be their heir.
“Without even lifting a finger, Chen Sha inherited his dukeship whereas it felt like an endless trial for us. We were full of resentment and often took it out on Chen Sha. Back then Chen Sha was like you …” Feng Lin pointed at Luo Lan and burped “… a mute. He was easily bullied and just like a dumb fool, he never retaliated. As long as we didn’t hurt his face, the adults wouldn’t find traces of our crime. Zi Yan was the mastermind while Zong Li, Bai Li Cang and I were his henchmen. Chu Mo though was so annoying; it was as if he were Chen Sha’s guardian angel – he would often rush to his aid in the nick of time.”
Feng Lin downed more alcohol and squinted her eyes as she tried to tease her own memory “So annoying, really too annoying!”
Luo Lan stole a glance at Chen Sha, she simply could not picture him as the victim. However, it did tally with the facts the governor had told her – that after his parents’ fatal accident, he lost his ability to speak and refused to interact with anyone.
“Let me tell you a secret” Feng Lin tossed her cup and wrapped her hands around Luo Lan’s neck “I. Like. Chu Mo.”
Luo Lan was utterly speechless. Surely this was an open secret? Perhaps others were really oblivious but she had been in the know for a long long time.
…..
“I’m not easy to bully.” Chen Sha said abruptly.
Huh? Luo Lan looked at the screen that was loaded with Prince Ye Jie’s and Princess Luo Lan’s biodata. What did that have to do with being easy to bully?
“Feng Lin is wrong.”
“…”
Luo Lan smacked her forehead in exasperation, how could she have forgotten that mutants with grade 3A physical capabilities had enhanced senses? She grabbed his arm in alarm, surely they did not hear all of their conversation?!
“The Governor and I heard it. I’m not too sure about others, it depends on what their ability is.”
Luo Lan mouthed silently: Chu Mo?
“His ability is not superhearing.”
Luo Lan breathed a sigh of relief; she needn’t fear Feng Lin’s wrath!
“When I was 6, my parents were involved in a fatal accident. Because of the psychological trauma, I had expressive aphasia. I was not a dumb fool like Feng Lin described, I just chose to withdraw myself from the world.”
Luo Lan was mystified. Of course she knew that Chen Sha was not a dumb fool, it was such an obvious fact so she could not understand why Chen Sha had to point it out matter-of-factly. This was completely unlike him.
“5 years later, I made a full recovery and beat Zi Yan to a pulp. They never dared antagonize me again.” Chen Sha summarized it neatly in the familiar sentence “I am not easy to bully.”
Luo Lan couldn’t decide what to make of it and how best to react. Was he seeking affirmation like a child? The psychological trauma must have truly been severe. Although she was a doctor, she was not a psychologist.
After considering all her options, she decided to pat his head in comfort.
Her hand had yet to land on his head when Chen Sha grabbed it. He remarked coldly “You missed my point completely. If you don’t understand, don’t act like you do.”
Luo Lan smiled awkwardly and withdrew her hand.
Chen Sha nodded at the biodata “Ever since you heard your sister and brother are coming to pay a visit, you’ve been very tense.”
Luo Lan wrote quickly: it’s been so many years, it’s only natural to be anxious.
Chen Sha studied her carefully “… almost as if you were scared.”
Luo Lan laughed drily as she wrote: how can that be? They’re my siblings, what am I afraid of?
Chen She continued to stare at her and Luo Lan found that she could not bring herself to maintain her façade. Surely it was his beastly instincts that contributed to his keen acumen.
Chen Sha continued “No matter what you might have gone through in the past, you’re now in the Odin Federation. You’re mine. I’m not an easy target so you don’t have to fear them. If you don’t want to meet them, chase them off! If there is any vengeance you seek, you can also take it out on them physically. Isn’t the point of building up your physical prowess to rough others up when the situation calls for it?”
Luo Lan suddenly felt an urge to cry so she quickly turned her head away.
Chen Sha treated her as if she were the real Princess Luo Lan. Because the actual Princess Luo Lan’s parents had also died when she was young, she was often bullied by Shao Han and Ye Jie. He kept emphasizing how he was not an easy victim to encourage her to voice her displeasure if she wanted. If she needed support, he would also be there to back her up.
But … she was not the real Princess Luo Lan!
Chen Sha stood up “If you don’t want to see them, then don’t. Have an early rest.”[/spoiler]
Can anyone reveal the ending?
Ok well last summer I took the leap and read the first two volumes and a little bit of the third, so here's a summary, though I forgot a lot of the details.
Spoiler!
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.
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Setting is the far future; humans have colonized space. There is ongoing conflict between Alikata (nation of pureblood humans) and the Odin Federation (nation of mutants). Mutants are physically superior, but there's a huge risk of an abrupt mutation into a deadly, feral beast.
Story starts out a bit cliche, with FL wandering in a desert with no idea where or who she is. Alikata captures her, as apparently, she was trespassing. A man named Dr. Mu proposes a deal: she can avoid persecution if she agrees to be given in marriage to a duke of the Odin Federation in the place of the real princess of Alikata, Luo Lan. Naturally, she agrees, and assumes the identity of Luo Lan. She arrives there, and is coldly received. She ends up marrying the cold Chen Sha, one of the seven dukes and the head army commander. Their wedding is a debacle, because it's clear he doesn't give a crap about her. Completely alone and fearing the exposure of her identity, LL randomly meets a man (I'm totally blanking on the name, I think it's Qian Xu?) and befriends him. She doesn't tell QX she's LL, and on the spot comes up with the name "Luo Xun." She decides this is her real (secret) name and that "Luo Lan" is merely a facade.
Years pass, and LL settles in, making friends with some of the dukes and becoming a genetics researcher. Under QX's tutelage, she gradually improves her physical strength and capabilities. She also falls in love with QX, and builds rapport with Chen Sha, who is slowly (SLOWLY) falling in love with her (I swear CS is the biggest rock). Through the years, she wonders who she truly was before she lost her memories.
Some stuff happens, and she and QX resolve to run away. QX mutates and is killed; LL is devastated. Some more stuff happens, and Dr. Mu, who is truly Ye Zhi Jie, the prince of Alikata (brother of the true LL), arrives in Odin. He doesn't immediately expose LL, though he tries to restore her memories. Meanwhile, LL realizes that QX was Yin Nan Zhao, the masked ruler of Odin all along, and he faked his death as QX. YNZ prevents YZJ's attempts at restoring LL's memories.
Eventually, YZJ exposes LL as a fake. She's taken in for questioning and tortured, though she's rescued by YNZ. She's pardoned and granted permanent residency at Odin, and fully drops the name of Luo Lan and lives as Luo Xun. She once again falls in love with YNZ and they eventually become lovers. Chen Sha finally realizes his feelings for her but it's too late; she loves YNZ. Luo Xun learns that her previous identity was "Long Xin" (an alias), one of the key players in the anti-mutant terrorist groups, which YZJ is also a part of. A traitor begins to act in Odin, triggering first Feng Lin (a duke and LX's best friend) and then Chen Sha's mutation. This results in an all out war between the purebloods and the mutants.
This is the end of Volume II, though I caught a bit from skimming bits of the next two volumes.
Early in Vol. III, YNZ dies protecting LX, though not before restoring her memories. Turns out she IS the real Luo Lan, who colluded with YZJ to wipe her own memories and infiltrate the Odin Federation. She hates mutants (particularly YNZ) because they were responsible for the death of her family. Luo Lan completely takes over the Luo Xun persona.
Some more stuff happens. I'm not sure of the details, though by the end, the LL and LX personas have made peace, and LL only wants peace between purebloods and mutants. Somewhere along the way she restores Chen Sha from his mutation and falls in love with him, though he ultimately abandons her for Odin. Unbeknownst to him, she bears his twins, a girl and a boy.
The ending: LL's young son meets Chen Sha. CS is shocked, and realizes LL always loved him. Too late, LL is killed by a mutated beast (one of the first dukes of Odin, who hates her). CS and their son can only watch her death on broadcast. CS is left in eternal regret. He agrees to the merging of Alikata and Odin, and their daughter becomes supreme ruler.
The epilogue made me cry a bit. It happens two hundred or so years after LL's death. CS is an old, dying man. He devoted himself tirelessly to his children, working to make LL's dream of peace a reality. Sensing his end, his children tell him he can finally rest. They recreate his and LL's wedding (LL appears as a hologram). CS dies reaching out to LL, allowing him to rectify his eternal regret.
Darn. Now I want to finish what I started and finish Vol. III and IV. If I do, I'll come back and update this summary.
Guess who’s back after having finished Volumes III and IV?
Before I start the summary, there’re some minor details I got wrong in my first summary of Vol. I and II. The nation of humans is called Aerdes, not Alikarta. Alikarta is the main planet of the Odin Federation (nation of mutants). Ye Zhi Jie is actually Ye Jie. Whoopsy.
Anyway, starting off at the beginning of Vol. III. A galaxy-wide war has erupted between Aerdes and Odin, and by extension, between the entire human and mutant races. The traitor within Odin is revealed to be Chu Mo, one of the seven dukes, and his father, Chu Tian Qing. They conspired with Ye Jie to facilitate a war between the humans and mutants by causing Chen Sha’s mutation into a mindless beast. Chen Sha’s beast kills Aerdes’ emperor, consequently, Ye Jie ascends the Aerdes throne, and declares war against Odin and the mutants. Mutants, who were previously discriminated against, are now universally hated and feared by humans.
Luo Xun and Yin Nan Zhao work to find a cure to restore Chen Sha to his human form. They succeed in taming the beast, but the experimentation leaves the beast rather dumb and unintelligent. YNZ wins the war for Odin at great cost and manages to capture Ye Jie. Ye Jie is severely injured in an assassination attempt and Luo Xun, with no other choice, agrees to a surgery that will save his life, though it will turn him into a mutant. Chu Mo, Chu Tian Qing, and another duke, Zuo Qiu Bai, reveal that YNZ is a clone of the first Odin ruler (TLDR clones are also hated and reviled), ultimately usurping YNZ. YNZ flees with LX, but not before sustaining a mortal wound trying to protect her. As he dies, he restores her memories, and it’s revealed that she actually was Princess Luo Lan, Ye Jie’s cousin and adopted sister, all along. She wiped her own memories to act convincingly as a spy within Odin to seek revenge for her family, who YNZ directly or indirectly caused the deaths of. Having recovered her memories of her hatred, Luo Lan abandons YNZ to his inevitable death and flees their exploding ship.
Now, the shift from Luo Xun to Luo Lan is extremely jarring. They seem like completely different people; Luo Xun is warm and kind, and Luo Lan and cold, hardened by life, and completely ruthless.
There’s a timeskip of thirty years. Luo Lan is rescued from a savage, uninhabited planet by an exploring group (her ship crashed there and she was unable to leave). She eventually travels to Qu Yun planet, where she comes across Chen Sha’s beast, now named Xiao Jiao (YNZ sent the beast there to protect him). XJ grows very attached and devoted to LL, acting as her loyal guard and beast. While protecting LL, XJ manages to restore himself to his human form, though he retains none of his memories as Chen Sha. For the next ten years, LL works to come up with medicine that will allow mutant and human genes to safely mix, because she knows Ye Jie is slowly dying from the repercussions of his surgery. XJ, like a child, grows and develops, and falls in love with LL. She eventually returns to Aerdes at Ye Jie’s deathbed behest, bringing along XJ. She cannot save YJ in time and he dies by her side. (This part was way sadder to me than YNZ’s death was.) This marks the end of Vol. III.
Vol. IV begins with LL ascending the Aerdes throne, becoming the empress. She declares her intentions to conquer Alikarta and restore it to within the Aerdes empire. For the next several years, she prepares the nation for war. For her, XJ joins the Aerdes army. On the eve of her declaration of war, LL and XJ get drunk and have sex. XJ leaves immediately after to join the army in space. LL realizes she’s pregnant and transfers the twin fetuses to an artificial womb. She doesn’t tell XJ about their children, resolving to tell him only after the war is won. Once the children (a girl and a boy) are born, she sends them to a safe haven on Quyun planet to be raised in peace.
10 years of war pass. LL occasionally visits her children and XJ, and we see her slowly open up and show warmth to others. Thanks to XJ’s military brilliance, Aerdes is surely winning. On the cusp of what seems to be Aerdes’ complete victory, XJ deserts Aerdes and Luo Lan. It’s revealed in a major twist that Xiao Jiao has been Chen Sha all along, having regained his memories 10 years ago, right before the war began (and his and LL’s drunken night). Believing LL to have been engineering a bioweapon against mutants, he acted as a spy for Odin, crippling the Aerdes military at the most crucial moment. He returns to Odin and usurps Chu Mo, becoming the new ruler of Odin. Luo Lan grieves over his abandonment, having realized she’s come to deeply love Xiao Jiao. In one of the most emotional parts of the book, Luo Lan wonders how Chen Sha can love Luo Xun (her past identity) so deeply, yet hurt Luo Lan so cruelly. Luo Lan comes to accept her past, and wholly admits she and Luo Xun are one and the same.
Furthermore, Chen Sha’s misunderstood LL all along. Chu Mo was engineering a weapon to mutate every human gene, and LL was actively researching to try and stop it. LL truly wishes for mutants and humans live peacefully and equally, and wishes for Odin and Aerdes to merge so that the two races can once again coexist. She succeeds in creating a powerful medicine which will cure sudden mutation and allow for the safe mixing of mutant and human genes. She sends her son as an envoy to convince Chen Sha to surrender the war. Having met their son, Chen Sha learns of Luo Lan’s true wish for peace and resolves to return to her.
It’s all too late. Chu Mo’s bioweapon causes Luo Lan’s tragic death, which is shown on broadcast. Chen Sha and their son, having met each other for the first time, can only watch. Chen Sha immediately cedes Odin to Aerdes; his and LL’s daughter becomes the new empress. He’s left in eternal regret, never having been able to make it up to Luo Lan for abandoning her. He now lives driven to fulfill her dream of peace, and by her last words sent to him moments before her death: “Chen Sha, you must live well.”
The epilogue happens 200 years later. The galaxy is at peace; mutants and humans coexist peacefully, thanks to Luo Lan, Chen Sha, and their children’s efforts. Chen Sha is dying of old age and sickness, but still is tenaciously holding on, believing he must still fulfill LL’s dream of a better world. His children, to allow him to peacefully depart, recreate his and Luo Lan’s wedding from hundreds of years ago. Luo Lan appears as a hologram, and his children and his and Luo Lan’s friends act as witnesses. Chen Sha is finally able to tell Luo Lan, even if it is just her image, that he loves her and will always treasure her until death do them part. Chen Sha dies peacefully.
(Death already did you two part, Chen Sha. Sorry.)
And that’s a wrap. It’s 4 AM, I just finished the series, and I’ve been bawling for the past three hours straight. It’s been a wild ride, and now that I’ve finally finished reading everything (890k words and all!), I feel that I can safely review and share my overall opinions.
I must say that 散落星河的记忆 is refreshingly different from her period novels. Disclaimer: I’ve only read Ballad of the Desert, Song in the Clouds, Lost You Forever, and a bit of Once Promised and The Time We can never go back to. I hear only Tong Hua’s period novels are any good, and I’m happy to say Memory Lost in Space disproves that. As per yingniang’s review, this was such a wonderfully addictive read. I find that Tong Hua’s writing has matured greatly. Make no mistake, this isn’t anywhere near real sci-fi; it’s still just Tong Hua romance and angst, so expect convenient coincidences and plenty of plot holes (though it’s not quite as bad as say, Song in the Clouds). Nevertheless, though her writing still holds her characteristic lyrical melancholy, it feels far more subtle and less intensely soapy than her past novels. Song in the Clouds and Once Promised are trainwrecks of tragedy and angst. Memory Lost feels more natural and mature in its portrayal of its characters. That being said, Luo Lan is easily Tong Hua’s best female protagonist. She’s likable enough as Luo Xun, but I fell in love with Luo Lan. Prickly, hardened Luo Lan, who slowly opens her heart to those she’s grown to love. She seems callous at first, but we eventually see just how human she truly is as she struggles with her identity and fights off her demons. When her heart broke, mine did too. Tong Hua put in a lot of love in developing her character, and it really shows.
Interestingly, there was a lot of something I don’t remember much of in Tong Hua’s earlier works: humor. There were so many random moments of unexpected hilarity when I just bust out laughing. I take this as a sign of Tong Hua’s maturation as a writer. She’s able to develop more nuanced and varied emotional atmospheres than before.
The male leads: meh. They were honestly pretty boring to me, in part because Luo Lan outshined everyone else. They don’t really hold up to Tong Hua’s other male leads, like Meng Jue (probably because YNZ and CS aren’t as screwed up, yikes). Some of the side characters (the dukes, mainly) were relatively interesting. My major quibble is how inconsequential to the plot a lot of characters ultimately seemed. I just wrote this long summary without feeling the need to include several relatively important characters!
The worldbuilding: interesting enough for me to be invested in the battle between mutants and humans. Not sure if the resolution of the conflict in the end felt contrived or just right.
My favorite quote from the book is when Yin Nan Zhao takes Luo Xun to visit a zoo on a planet. Frequented by human tourists, the zoo’s attractions are mutants in cages. Luo Xun can only look on in horror and sadness. “也许终有一天，有些人的美梦不是建立在另一些人的噩梦之上.”
“Perhaps, there will eventually be a day where someone’s beautiful dream won’t be built atop another’s nightmare.”
The angst: the sad part for me wasn’t Chen Sha and Luo Lan’s tragic end, or even Yin Nan Zhao and Luo Xun’s tragic end. I cried for Luo Lan when she lost Ye Jie, her only remaining family, and I cried for her children when she died so tragically. The most painful part for me wasn’t the star-crossed love, but Luo Lan’s separation from the family she needed most. What made me bawl in the end was the fact that Luo Lan’s children, like Luo Lan herself, lost their parent so early and so painfully.
Here’s the translation of a song Luo Lan’s children sing:
Only when the last rose petal withers and falls
Will you stop chasing onward and realize you missed the most beautiful blooms
Only when the last snowflake melts
Will you stop hating the cold and realize you missed the beauty of winter
Only upon the tearful departure
Will you reminisce about the fading memories of bygone years
Only once you’ve lost something forever
Will you realize you never treasured it enough
WHY IS NO ONE READING THIS NOVEL. PLEASE SOMEONE READ IT SO I CAN DISCUSS IT WITH SOMEONE. PLEASE I IMPLORE YOU. ANYONE!!!!
Haha hi Mochi Lover! Am happy to discuss the book with you but it has been some time so I hope my memory holds up :p
Hi are you my savior???? Thank you so much for being here ;_; Also, it was your review that made me start the novel last year! I would never have read it otherwise. So thank you so, so much for your amazing reviews!
SPOILERS!
Is it just me who thinks Luo Lan is the female lead Tong Hua loves most? In the other novels that I’ve read, I felt that the female lead always seems to take the backstage in characterization/spotlight while the male lead shines. Like in 云中歌，Yun Ge was boring as all hell compared to Meng Jue, and Tong Hua has even said Yun Ge was “created” for her YZG male leads! Memory Lost, on the other hand, feels like Luo Lan’s story, and only Luo Lan’s story. It’s as if Tong Hua built this story for her, and only for her. Yin Nan Zhao and Chen Sha who? They honestly all felt like props to complete Luo Lan’s character arc, ha. Oh, Luo Lan. She’s so prickly and yet I still love her lol. On that note, though some side characters were interesting, they generally felt pretty pointless. Like what was the point of Feng Lin’s daughter, Ah Sheng, and even Zi Yan, plot-wise? What was the point of revealing that Zuo Qiu Bai could’ve been a caring father if he still killed his daughter’s savior anyway? All in all, I feel like Tong Hua produced just one amazing character (probably her best ever character) in Memory Lost, and that’s it. Anyway, what do you think when you compare Memory Lost to past Tong Hua works you’ve read?
Also, I was so freaking shook when Chen Sha betrayed her in book 4. Like hot damn our girl could never catch a break. I literally felt my heart break when she broke down and asked, “Why do you all love Luo Xun yet hurt me so badly?” Are there any other specific scenes that stuck with you?
I agree! Luo Lan is special because she isn’t the typical damsel in distress. I like that she had a rough, albeit engineered, beginning because it’s refreshing to see the protagonist winning people’s hearts over the course of the story instead of it being served to her on a platter. And seeing Chen Sha kick himself was quite gratifying as well.
[spoiler]
I have been speed reading and cherry-picking chapters to read to reacquaint myself with the plot and darn it, it’s as good as it was back then! I’m only at book 3 so I still have a ways to go but it’s such a treat to read it again. Can I just say that I’m looking forward to all the heartache that awaits me at Chen Sha’s upcoming betrayal! Tear jerkers/angsty novels are the best.
Book 2, Chapter 15
Luo Xun ventured softly “Once I’ve cracked the genetic code, no one will have to worry about unstable chromosomes and no one will ever mutate against their will again. Then, you don’t have to worry and fence everyone out anymore; you can pursue any woman you like.”
After a moment’s pause, he smiled hopefully “Even you?”
Luo Xun was taken aback by his frankness.
Chen Sha’s smile faded. He continued “I’m not asking you to love me so please don’t try and change my feelings. I respect your feelings and I hope you can do the same. Trying to get me to stop liking you makes me feel like my emotions … are your emotional burden.”
“I … No … That’s not …” Luo Xun stuttered.
Before she was capable of forming a sentence, Chen Sha had already departed as swiftly as he had come.
She had merely wanted to encourage him, but it seemed like she had once again succeeded in upsetting him.
It’s actually quite great that both ships sail, I think it’ll make readers of competing camps very happy although the ships never quite make it ….
Book 2, Chapter 5
Zi Yan suddenly recalled “When Luo Lan did her physical fitness test, she set records in all the stations. The first three were the worst performances ever whereas the last, was a chart-topping result.”
He continued with a stern expression “I remember studying her as she underwent her tests. She was very frail and adapted poorly to the scenarios. There is no way that she’s an undercover agent.”
Chen Sha tried his best but he only had faint memories.
“You can’t remember anything? You must have really despised her.” Zi Yan remarked thoughtfully “Though you were the one who rescued her in the final station.”
As though a veil was cast over the scene, Chen Sha only had sepia tinted images in his mind. He tried to shake off the uneasiness he felt and hit the play button and the screen pulled up the scene from eleven years earlier.
In the simulation room, Luo Xun donned her training attire as she thoughtfully mulled over her options. She eventually settled on the Wilderness although she appeared pensive, as if she was guarded about her performance.
She started running.
Shortly after, Zi Yan spoke up “She’ll endure it for 7h. Nothing of consequence happened. We can fast forward.”
Chen Sha continued watching as if Zi Yan’s suggestion was directed at someone else.
As night turned into the break of dawn, Chen Sha still studied the screen intently. By this time, on screen Luo Xun was struggling with every step and her whole body strained under the immense exertion.
Chen She could identify with Luo Xun’s plight; when pushed to the limit, people’s minds would start playing tricks on them and it would become hard to discern virtual from reality.
On the screen, she was desperately seeking salvation.
Beyond the screen, he finally grasped how lost she was.
But between them, was a chasm of eleven years.
Chen Sha asked “Why didn’t you stop her from going on?”
“Feng Lin had intended to as well but we had no control over the simulation exercise. We could only inform you.”
Right on cue, Chen Sha burst onto the screen.
Luo Xun’s spirits visibly lifted and she appeared to be crying tears of relief.
She stumbled the final few steps towards Chen Sha and tried to grab onto him before she mouthed something and fainted.
On screen Chen Sha’s disgust was palpable as he turned his body slightly causing Luo Xun to collapse directly onto the ground.
With a tightly knitted frown, Chen Sha studied her before eventually bending over and carrying Luo Xun out of the simulation room.
Chen Sha stared numbly at the ghost of himself of years past. Was that how he used to treat her?
Zi Yan pressed him urgently “So what did she say?”
“I … I can’t remember.”
Zi Yan glared at him “Do you really not remember or did you not even care to hear what she had to say then?”
With a few quick taps of the keyboard and a flurry of fingers, Zi Yan had rewinded to the scene, enlarged the image and raised the volume. Chen Sha was treated to the neverending loop of Luo Xun smiling sincerely at him and he coldly avoiding catching her.
After a few more edits, they could make out Luo Xun’s faint whisper “… Who am I?”
Chen Sha stared aghast at the screen and felt his chest tightening; She had begged him for help in recovering her identity but only now, eleven years and three months later, was he going to take her request seriously.
As much as my translated excerpts always feature Chen Sha, I’m actually more of a Yin Nan Zhao shipper although his scenes are not as striking. Guess I’m just drawn to the characters that evoke more sympathy.
Book 2, Chapter 7
When she awoke, she found herself in an empty room.
She cried out in a panic “Qian Xu!”
She was about to run out into the corridor when she heard the faint sound of water flowing in the restroom.
“Why didn’t you answer me?”
“Because you weren’t calling for me.” Yin Nan Zhao retorted calmly.
The tap was turned off and the door slid open to reveal Yin Nan Zhao draped in a towel.
Luo Xun’s heart started to palpitate; she realised it wasn’t just any person in front of her. She tucked an unruly lock of hair behind her ear and gathered her composure “Let me see your wounds.”
“They’re healing well.” Yin Nan Zhao gripped onto the towel tightly
After a moment’s standoff, Luo Xun turned her back on him and nagged “You have to start taking better care of yourself. Having grade 3A capabilities does not make you invulnerable.”
Once Yin Nan Zhao had put on his military uniform, he headed towards the door.
Luo Xun cried out “Qian … Yin Nan Zhao!”
He turned and said quietly “Don’t call me Yin Nan Zhao. It’ll blow my cover.”
“How should I address you then? Chief? Boss?”
“… Qian Xu”
“…”
Hahaha that scene made me chuckle.
[/spoiler]
Did you like Lost You Forever? It’s actually my favourite of all her novels! While the female protagonist is not as tough nails as Luo Xun, I think she manages to hold her own and abide by her own strict morals. Come to think of it, Tong Hua only writes female-centric stories haha.
My top 3：
1. Lost You Forever
2. The Memory Lost In Space
3. Step By Startling Step
(4. Time Will Never Go back)
Tong Hua’s just fantastic; she nails plots across the different genres of fantasy, sci-fi and period. Can she just release a new book already?! Haha what about you, which of her other works/characters did you like?
Oh my gosh thank you for translating these scenes; I always live for your excerpts! Reading your translations makes me vividly recall the events of book 1 and 2 which I'd mostly forgotten, ha. Also, prepare to love Luo Lan even more as you finish books 3 and 4 :D.
I also can’t help being a YNZ shipper. In the end, he understood Luo Lan the best, but their circumstances were just too tragic. The shocking truth was that if YNZ had never existed (if he’d never caused the deaths of most of her family), Luo Lan would’ve never become the hardened and ruthless Long Xin--she would’ve remained kind and considerate, just like Luo Xun. It’s frankly pretty messed up even for Tong Hua, ha. Ultimately, the two felt like soulmates that just weren’t fated to be. It’s a bittersweet conundrum that Luo Lan, through losing her memories of her hatred, was able to join with her other half, even if only for a short time. It all culminated in something very poetic and melancholy: YNZ had inadvertently put her through so much suffering in her childhood, yet he’d also given her her happiest memories as Luo Xun.
Your book 2 ch. 5 translation makes me think that Chen Sha just never learned to stop eating his own foot, did he? His life in the end was really just a series of regrets :/.
I’ve actually also started translating the first chapters for funsies—do you have any recommendation as to where I should post?
And yes, I have read and enjoyed koala’s translation of Lost You Forever! I’ve been meaning to start reading it in Chinese for the longest time but have just been too lazy lol. I think Once Promised and Lost You Forever are easily the best of Tong Hua’s world-building (though I’ve only read some of the first). The pre-historic world feels so wonderfully vivid and mystical.
My first Tong Hua books were koala’s translations of Ballad of the Desert and Song in the Clouds. The latter was such a train wreck of tragedy but it inspired me to start reading in Chinese and damn the prose was so gorgeous and lyrical. To date, among all the Tong Hua books I’ve read, I find Song in the Clouds to have the most robust and well-developed roster of characters. I feel like a pleb for not having read 步步惊心, ha. I’m just a bit terrified of taking on another book of a similar caliber of angst as Song in the Clouds and Once Promised.
As for Tong Hua’s modern novels…I’m a bit hesitant to try them. It’s already hard enough at some points to suspend disbelief with the ancient/mystical settings, so I get the feeling that many of the tropes Tong Hua likes to use will really fall through for me in her modern novels.
Also, do you have recommendations for other authors/novels?
"pretty messed up even for Tong Hua" hahahaha omg truth!
I'm currently at the part where Chen Sha is her loyal creature and I'm anticipating his mutation and also looking forward to her reuniting with her brother! Much as the latter is quite the antagonist, their relationship is precious.
Oh my gosh, you're translating this?! That's really awesome! It's gonna "infect" so many more readers, everyone's gonna love it :D I do have a site in mind haha cause I did some translating work a longggg time back. Is there any way to contact you like via email?
SAME! Tong Hua got me to dust off my Mandarin again. Did you watch the drama adaptation of Song In The Clouds by the way? How did you find it!
Bu Bu Jing Xin is the OG!!! You have to, the angst and tears are well worth it. (Though the sequel was terribad and I don't consider it canon.)
I wonder if anyone would ever consider adapting this into drama which would be such a massive project to undertake given the material and content. Who do you think would make good leads? Who can portray the duality of Luo Lan!
I only follow a few authors actually based off recommendations:
Gu Man:
- Silent Separation: my all time favourite and I read it at least once a year lol
- Just One Smile Is Very Alluring: my crack drama back when it was airing and the novel is very well rated though I haven't myself
Xin Yi Wu:
- I Am Waiting for You in Memories: a little draggy in the middle but the conflict was well conceived
- You Are Still Here: am being a little biased here lol but it's a nice book for light reading
Jiu Yue Xi:
- The Youthful You Who Was So Beautiful: it's definitely refreshing content and extra commendable because it touches on dark twisted topics such as bullying and the inadequacies of the Law
- The Wind Goes, As He Knows: Tortured female lead with the male lead as the perfect antithesis
- Waiting For You In My City: Two lovers trying to find their way back to each other. Not the most original plot though I couldn't put it down
I aim to finish their repertoire before finding new writors so I'm probably not giving very varied recommendations :p Do you have a next book in mind?