The first time they met, he was a downtrodden prince everybody bullied whilst she was a small palace maid responsible for washing the clothes of the people in the palace.
Twenty years of companionship; he is the only one capable of influencing her emotions. For him, she is willing to immerse her hands in the blood of others, to help him rule this world.
Even though she wasn’t the one he loved, and she wasn’t the one he married, she insisted on remaining by his side, aiming to become the one and only woman capable of standing by his side whilst he held court and the one and only woman in his harem – even if doing so would cause her to get insulted by the entire world.
However, that person whom she loved so much, that person for whom she committed all sorts of preposterous acts for – wanted her to die.
He said, “In this lifetime, I don’t wish to see you ever again!”
She returned to him as a spirit, yet he begged for another lifetime together.
“If we have another lifetime together, I want you to love me and respect me from a very young age, and help me clear all the obstacles standing in my way. You would be forced to watch me love one, and marry another – but both of them would not be you. You must love me so crazily and so deeply that everybody knows about it, and yet you would never be able to truly receive my entire love and affection. On innumerable occasions, you would be misunderstood by me, and hurt by me. The only few tears you shed in your entire lifetime would be for me, and ultimately you would have to die for me. Even after you die, you would not be allowed to rest in peace – instead, you would transform into a spirit and return to my side… Only if you do all these, would you be able to compensate me for what I have done in this lifetime.”
Loving a person, even though it’s misguided, one insists on remaining in error; it’s as though one entered into a dream one morning, and remains unable to gain enlightenment even till death.
[Ebook][Eng Translation][Bất ngộ][불오]
Wow. This is angsty from the get-go! I fear my heart might be too weak for this. Was it good though?
This story details how two people, having grown up together, gradually fall in love with other. The story is told mostly through flashbacks, with the female lead having died at the start of the book. Her spirit, however, remains attached to the male lead and thus she returns to him, where the story begins proper as she reminiscences over how they met, how they fell in love, and how he eventually sent her to her death on the battlefield. And how, when he learns the news of her death, he finally realizes how important she is to him.
The female lead, Gu Hong Jian, is a lowly palace maid who gradually rises up the ranks as she aids the male lead, Lin Si Ze, in his bid to place himself on the golden throne. Although the female lead and the male lead really trusted each other whilst they were young, their trust and understanding is eventually torn apart as the female lead begins doubting and suspecting the male lead’s intentions. This is largely in part due to the female lead keeping an important secret from the male lead, which constantly causes her to second-guess him due to her guilty conscience. Of course, the male lead is also not perfect, because he is unable to truly provide the female lead with the security that she required – and that’s how they gradually drifted apart.
That said, although this book is written in a pretty crisp and brisk manner, it still manages to develop the female and male lead’s emotions and relationships rather well. It’s a pretty short book, numbering at only 27 chapters. However, the author does use some pretty old tropes which are not well executed. Thankfully, these old tropes are also covered rather quickly, which is why I would still rate this book 3.5-4 stars out of 5.
@ Tea.Thyme
The angst isn’t as exaggerated as it seems from the synopsis! It’s quite well-handled as it’s a pretty brisk read, and the author uses relatively simple language to convey a point and doesn’t dwell on it. That’s the kind of angst I prefer, since I get too chicken for most other BEs. That plus I really do like the female lead, so do give it a read as and when you’re in a mood for something short and somewhat angsty (:
Wow, even reading the synopsis made me sad. Then I saw the BE tag. That’s nice to hear that it’s not too drawn out though.
Thank you for sharing this book! I finished this book quite fast (about 30 minutes) and I was really enjoyed reading this book. I cried after reading this part “If we have another lifetime together, I want you to love me and respect me from a very young age, and help me clear all the obstacles standing in my way. You would be forced to watch me love one, and marry another – but both of them would not be you. You must love me so crazily and so deeply that everybody knows about it, and yet you would never be able to truly receive my entire love and affection. On innumerable occasions, you would be misunderstood by me, and hurt by me. The only few tears you shed in your entire lifetime would be for me, and ultimately you would have to die for me. Even after you die, you would not be allowed to rest in peace – instead, you would transform into a spirit and return to my side… Only if you do all these, would you be able to compensate me for what I have done in this lifetime.” It sounds very sad to me . I am still thinking about this lol… This book is pretty short, well written with a pretty quick pace so would definitely recommend to people reading it during free time hah . I would consider it as sad at the ending since it ruined my happy mood after reading but definitely not that sad. My type of books I liked
Sounds like my thing. Anyone knows the Viet title?
@Remy
It’s very difficult for me to stomach long BE books so I tend to avoid those. Give it a try if you’re not averse to BEs! 🙂
@ forevermich
Glad you enjoyed the book! And I agree, I really liked that part though, especially because she didn’t say it out of spite. Rather, she said it because she still loved him and wanted him to let his anger go. I also liked the part when he realized that he longer had any momento to remember her by because he burnt the one and only portrait he painted of her. That said, you read really fast! I think it took me way more than 30 minutes to finish the book, heh.
@ maira
I’m sorry but I don’t know Viet, so I can’t offer the Viet title :/
@dramasbooksandtea
I also liked that part too. But I really hate him for burning the drawing right in front of GHJ spirit since I remembered that she wanted him to keep it to remember her. But, I still feel sad for LSZ since like what you had mentioned: he no longer have any memento to remember her anymore. Well I never thought that I was a fast reader in Chinese books but at least you should be considered as a fast reader too since all my classmates would probably took 3 days to read it completely (or probably wouldn’t complete it).
P.S my classmates most of them know Chinese since they are Chinese too but they can’t stand Chinese words …
I know this isn’t related at all, but i liked to ask what it is BE, OE,And SE. Firstly I thought BE is bad ending and SE is sad ending, but I saw another people comments that BE actually pretty good ending. I am getting more confused. Please help me understand
@ tuey
No worries, you got the meanings right on the first try! SE refers to Sad Ending, and BE refers to Bad Ending, and usually the two are interchangeable. BE definitely doesn’t mean good ending, good endings are usually represented by HE (for Happy Endings). Hope this helps!
Owh, thank you for explanation. But im still curious about OE. What it is the meaning behind it?
OE = Open ending
Thanks for sharing! 🙂
This book was quite good. I like the scene where she first killed a person and how she realises that he would never see her as long as the second female lead was there.
It was such a painful moment to know that the drawing that he threw was the last and only one he was left with… Sigh. I wish he was more aware of the dangers of sending her to the war and that it was such a wrong move to do when they were quarrelling.
Overall my type of book especially when I was craving for a 虐心 novel hahaha!
@cloudandsea
I’m glad you liked the book! I thought the part where the consort of the Emperor turned out to be his first love was a pretty old trope but overall I thought the book was quite good too! 🙂 Haha I must have a thing for 虐心 novels too because I liked the moments that you highlighted as well!! Unfortunately I can’t take long BE novels because I think my heart will crinkle up in protest x_x
Can someone tell me what happened to the 2nd female lead? Did the emperor love her? If so, how much? I hoped the heroine was the only one he gave his heart to.
@DOH
If my memory serves me correctly, I believe the male lead married the second female lead, but he didn’t truly love the second female lead. Originally, the male lead thought that he loved the second female lead. However, upon learning about the female lead’s death, he came to a gradual realization that he had been taking the female lead for granted all this time, that whatever ‘feelings’ or ‘affections’ he had for the second female lead were in actuality rooted in gratitude, and that ultimately, the only person who he loved was the female lead. On coming to this realization, he allowed the second female lead to leave the palace and return to her family.
Well..he is still ass**le and there is no excuse for that..That type of male lead is my most hated male lead kind in novels…The plot line is nothing new for chinese historical novel but what is new is damb male lead …U know that in other historical novels whatever the male lead is cold,ruthless, and thousands of women in harem..But when they come to love their female lead there is no doubt,no hesitation..Don’t even mention that for second love or other woman after the femlae lead..But this novel? Even knowing that female lead fighting the side by side with him from all this a long and he married his so called love? What a mess!!!
@dramasbooksandtea Thank you(❀╹◡╹)／”. It’s good he only loved her. But I guess he didn’t love her enough as he treated her like that and thought he loved someone else TT.TT
@Grace I fully agree. I always think it’s pathetic in all those dramas, books etc when characters don’t realize who they love. Like, how can you not know?? And take her for example, you can see she obviously loved him
And he doesn’t love her even half of how much she loved him (◣_◢╬)
thank you for the spoilers and comments. I started reading the English translation and immediately wanted to punch the male lead in the face. I really want to read the part when he finds out she died and how much he regrets how he treated her. At least its a modicum of payback for how much he took her for granted…
Alas, i am unable to read it in the original language and can only rely on translators.. ahhh, i wish i could be like the lucky ones who can read it in one go ~ the wait is torture!
@Lovingangst if you really can’t wait, you can try to machine traslated from raw. But for the first timer it will make your eyes hurt a lot, though..
Reading this novel really make me want to bash the male lead’s head. He really…hateful. to mistake his love to someone else. He truly deserves the pain he get for treating female lead like that. The female lead deserve more happy ending with someone else… Someone who treasures her better than the male lead.
So I just finished reading this novel and man is it good. Of course it is very sad buy I still love it and I believe that this is very realistic because sometimes in life one missed chance is all it takes and one miss understanding can give you regret for a life time. I can relate to the lessons here because experiencing it does make you feel the way these two characters does.
A bit late but I read it per MT so I am a bit confused… What realy happened to the first love of the emperor when she committed suicide? What is the truth behind the whole story? And why did it destroy their relationship to that extend?
What I understood is that she showed the first prince a picture of that girl so that he want to marry her and her father declining the proposal. But he actually accepted and the girls committed suicide. The MC blames herself and didn’t dare to tell him the truth and this destroyed their trust?
Please enlighten me
Thanks for sharing this book. I really liked it and it made me cry a lot. At the end of the raws, the author said something about there being something extra in published version of the book. I wanted to know what else is there in the extra. Did anyone here read it?
I usually stay away from BE stories, but decided to give this book a try. It was so sad!! The fact that the female protagonist’s death is introduced in the beginning makes the story much more tragic and angsty, because you get to see all of the misunderstandings/injustices that she had to endure while being forced to keep in mind that it would still end sadly.
I got really frustrated at the male lead, because he was never straightforward about his feelings for her throughout the time that she was alive. Although I acknowledge that he was also quite pitiful, but I was shamefully happy that he burned his one and only painting of her. Because of that, he would have to live the rest of his life not having anything to remember her by.